


(it ain't) written on our skin

by theworldabouttodawn



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, but not really, it's a happy ending don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12384090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworldabouttodawn/pseuds/theworldabouttodawn
Summary: nolan doesn't have a soulmark. it never really bothered him until now.





	(it ain't) written on our skin

**Author's Note:**

> thx to sammie for betaing as usual ily babe
> 
> so this one has been in the making for. god, like, too long??? since the draft??? which is why it still reads as a draft fic lmao even though it's fuckin october
> 
> anyways now that i think about it this was inspired by all the tattoo talk surrounding these boys at the combine but it's just been so long since i started it lmao

Nico’s never had a soulmark. It’s okay, though, because hockey has always come first. But, sometimes, it does hurt – that his skin is unmarked, that he can’t claim anyone as his own and that no one has claimed him as theirs.

So he decides to take matters into his own hands.

When his mom sees the delicate lines along the inside of his upper arm the next time he’s home, one for each member of their family, she almost bursts into tears. “Oh, Nico,” she says, reaching for him. “My sweet boy.”

He goes into her arms willingly, because really, this is what it was all about. He doesn’t have a soulmate, but his family is a more than acceptable substitute.

* * *

Nolan doesn’t remember ever having a soulmark. His mother says that it was there when he was born, a gorgeous spray of flowers exploding across his back, but it was gone by the time he turned two. No one talks about those whose soulmarks disappear, because no one knows why it happens. Some people say that it’s because something changes in their lives and they’re no longer soulmates, others that it means their soulmate has died. Nolan doesn’t dwell on the reasons.

He marks himself up, of course, because he needs to feel possessed by _something_ , even if it’s just his team. (Maybe he gets a few chirps about getting a fucking _wheat_ tattoo, but sue him. He knows what he loves, and he knows who loves him.) And it’s – it’s kind of addictive, honestly, so he gets a few more. It’s not the best replacement, but – it’s enough, for now.

The first time Nolan meets Nico Hischier, they’re at the top prospects game. Hischier’s quiet but wickedly funny, his smile makes Nolan’s stomach flip in increasingly upsetting ways, and he has a soulmark. Not that Nolan’s looking, of course, but Hischier doesn’t really try to hide it. The dark lines peek out under his shirtsleeve, and Nolan keeps trying to get a decent glance at it while they’re doing media shit, even though he knows it’s taboo. It doesn’t work that well.

So he goes back to Brandon with nothing more than a few more awkward photos for hockey writers to use in their overrated and under-read blogs and Hischier’s number in his phone. They can be friends at least, if nothing else, and Nolan tells himself that it’s enough.

* * *

 

They text. A lot. Far more than Nolan would have anticipated. But it’s mostly small things – complaining about school and half-asleep snaps of a darkened bus interior and once in a while a cheat day meal – until it’s not.

Brandon gets swept in the first round of playoffs, and Nolan was in a suit for all four games.

 _Sucks_ , Nico – Nolan has no idea when he stopped being Hischier and became _Nico_ – texts. He doesn’t say anything else. Doesn’t need to, really.

Nolan appreciates it. _Yeah_ , he responds. _Thx_.

They don’t text for the next few days, and only snap blurry pictures of the sky or the wall to keep up their streak. It’s not a real conversation, but Nolan’s fine with that, because he knows that Nico’s still caught in his own playoff push, and that’s okay.

Then the Mooseheads drop out, just as heartbreakingly as the Wheat Kings did, and Nolan’s fumbling for the call button almost as soon as he sees. It’s late in Winnipeg, later in Halifax, but Nico still picks up. “Hey,” he says, voice hoarse like he’s been crying, and Nolan’s struck with how much he _hates it_.

“I saw,” Nolan says. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this. He doesn’t know what to say. He just – he just wants Nico to never sound like that again. “Sucks. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Next year, right?” Nico says, but it sounds empty and they both know it. Barring any freak accidents, there’s no way either of them will play for their respective juniors teams ever again. And it’s – it’s _something_ , to realise that at this time next year they’ll both have an entire NHL season under their belts, but – but everything is changing.

But Nolan laughs anyways. “Yeah, next year,” he says, and it sounds more like a promise than he had intended.

(He doesn’t take it back, though.)

* * *

Sometimes they FaceTime, and Nolan finds himself staring more often than he really should. Nico’s careless about his clothes and the way they fall over his body, shirt rucking up in such a way that Nolan can see the soft lines of his belly and abdomen and it – it’s a lot. Nolan finds himself drinking a lot of water when he’s talking to Nico.

And Nico always seems completely oblivious to the effect he has on Nolan, blithely stretching and sending Nolan shirtless post-workout Snapchats where his hair is damp with sweat and falling in his eyes and his cheeks are flushed and his lips look infinitely kissable and–

Nolan might be losing his mind. Just a little bit.

But he won’t let himself do anything about this, because Nico has a _soulmate_ , someone out there (or even already with Nico, although that doesn’t seem too likely considering how often he snaps Nolan while alone or out with friends) who’s supposed to be perfect for him in every way, and the last thing Nolan wants is to ever get between them.

Nico deserves to be happy, and if the world has destined him to find that happiness with someone else, then Nolan will do everything he can to help him.

It’s just hard to stick to that when Nico says things like “your workout looked real good today” and “we get to see each other soon!” and Nolan can’t help but almost think that maybe Nico – maybe Nico–

He refuses to think about it. He can’t get his hopes up.

* * *

But he’s still looking forward to the combine more than he’s been willing to let anyone know, mostly because it feels like it’s been far too long since he’s seen Nico. Stels gives him shit all the way to Buffalo, but Nolan’s had a lot of practice tuning him out so it’s okay. Mostly.

Nico makes a beeline for him as soon as he sees him in the airport. “Hey!” he says, going in for the bro-hug. And Nolan’s too travel-worn to even think about how to respond besides just leaning into Nico’s embrace for all he’s worth.

(He smells really good, and Nolan despairs.)

(Maybe the hug lingers for a bit longer than is strictly bros, but Nolan won’t let himself think about it. Nico has a _soulmate_ , after all.)

The first night they’re there, Glasser and Yammer decide that they want to throw a party and invite practically everyone they know at the Combine. Which is a lot, considering how friendly and talkative they both are. And even though they were told to “rest up”, it looks like at _least_ half the guys are here, with a bunch more spilling over into the hallway and Nic and Tip’s room next door.

Nolan finds himself crowded into one corner with Nico and Gabe Vilardi, listening along to their conversation about – bubble tea, it seems, which Nico doesn’t think he’s ever had. And it’s stupid, it really is, but the first thought that pops into Nolan’s mind is “I’d take you to get bubble tea,” and it’s only until after the words actually leave his mouth that he realises his mistake.

But Nico just laughs, thank God, and even in the dim light Nolan thinks he can see a blush rise in Nico’s cheeks. It’s one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen, and – oh, he might be just a little bit drunker than he had anticipated.

Everyone mostly clears out by midnight, but Nolan doesn’t want to head back to his and Nico’s shared room just yet, not while Nico’s still staying here. So when Yammer drags them both into a game of Never Have I Ever, pressing more bottles of shitty beer into their hands, Nolan – at least – willingly goes, and doesn’t miss how Nico follows him and sticks close to his side. It’s – gratifying, at the very least, but. But. Nico has a _soulmate_ , and Nolan can’t let himself think about Nico, no matter how much he wants.

It’s harder to stick to that, though, when Nico settles down so that his bare knee is pressing against Nolan’s thigh, and Nico’s just tipsy enough that he’s leaning a bit against Nolan’s shoulder, and he could – he can’t – live and die in the feeling of skin on skin.

And it’s a good time, and everyone laughs at Nolan when he sheepishly admits that he’s fallen off a boat before, but he quickly gets Tippett back based off a rumour ( _jesus_ , Nolan can’t believe that Tippett actually drunkenly hit on Mikey McLeod’s _mom_ ) so all is well.

“Never have I ever gotten a tattoo,” Vilardi says at one point, after a lot of hemming and hawing because apparently there really isn’t much that Gabe Vilardi hasn’t done.

Nolan takes a long swig out of his bottle and sees Nico doing the same out of the corner of his eye. Before he can stop himself, he asks, “Yo, Nico, what’s your tattoo?”

“You haven’t seen it?” Nico asks, grinning. He rolls up his shirt sleeve and (finally, _finally_ ) gives Nolan his first proper glance at the mark that’s occupied his thoughts for the past few months. It’s just a series of symbols. “It’s my family’s zodiac signs,” he says. “I got it when I left home. Because I don’t have a soulmark. My family – they are my soulmates.”

Nolan chokes on his own breath, trying to cover it up by coughing. “You – you don’t have a soulmate?”

“Nope,” Nico says cheerfully. “Never had a mark. This is enough. What about you?”

The game is probably still going, but Nolan’s mind is still reeling. _Nico doesn’t have a soulmate_. “Uh, me – me neither,” he stutters out. “Used to have one, but it disappeared.”

“Disappeared?” Nico asks, quirking an eyebrow. “That does not happen too much, does it?”

Nolan sighs. “It’s, like, one in ten thousand or something. More often than you think.”

Nico hums and doesn’t say any more, but Nolan barely notices, brain working as fast as it possibly can given his current inebriated state. _Nico doesn’t have a soulmate._

_Nico doesn’t have a soulmate._

_Nico doesn’t have a soulmate._

Dimly, Nolan hears Yammer say something that, evidently, was specifically to get Glasser out of the game, judging by the laughter and the shoving. But his mind is still focused on – Nico doesn’t have a soulmate, which means that Nolan doesn’t have to feel guilty about wanting Nico.

And Nico’s laughing at Glasser now too, and it’s probably the most precious thing Nolan has ever heard. And he can think that now, because Nico doesn’t belong to anyone else, and he has a chance. He has a chance, and that’s all that matters.

* * *

“It’s – how do you deal with it?” Nolan asks when they’ve stumbled back to their room and collapsed on their respective beds, neither of them bothering to take off their clothes. “Not – not the media, or whatever, but the – the soulmate thing.”

He hears Nico roll over. “What, not having one?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Nolan says, and then holds his breath. (He doesn’t know why.)

The shrug is evident in Nico’s voice. “I don’t think about it, really,” he says. “Hockey is enough. Seems like enough, for now. I’ll worry about – soulmates – after.” A pause, and then, “What about you?”

“Same, I guess,” Nolan says. “It never seemed important.” And even as he’s saying it, it feels like a lie, because while it may not have seemed too important that he didn’t have a soulmate for the first seventeen years of his life, meeting Nico has changed all that.

He hears Nico’s blankets rustle, and then Nico says, quietly, “Something’s different now, though.”

“What do you mean?” Nolan asks, holding his breath, suddenly tense.

Nico sighs. “I met someone,” he says. “And they made me think.”

Nolan doesn’t miss the careful _they_ , not _he_ or _she_ or anything specific. But his heart is beating rapidly, now, and he’s scared that Nico can _hear it_ , that it can beat out of his chest, because – is Nico talking about him? He can’t be talking about Nolan – he wouldn’t be so _vague_ if he was–

But it’s okay. It’s okay, because Nico was never his, right? Nolan hadn’t even been _thinking_ of Nico like this before tonight. He can’t lose what he never had. “That’s good,” he says carefully. “I hope it works out.”

He thinks he can maybe hear a smile in Nico’s face when he responds, “Me too,” and that breaks his heart more than anything else does.

But he can’t leave it at that, not without feeling that he’s making a mistake. There’s nothing else he wants to say though, nothing that he can’t see going dreadfully poorly (and _yes_ , telling him Nolan wants to make out with him and hold his hand all the time is _definitely_ not going to go well), so he just says, “Good night,” and curls in on himself.

“Sleep well,” Nico responds, and his voice is soft and sleepy, and Nolan wants him too badly.

* * *

Nolan tries not to avoid Nico afterwards, he really does, and he thinks he’s not doing a bad job of it for the rest of the combine. They still hang out and get food and laugh at each other’s jokes before and after interviews and Nolan thinks that everything’s going to be fine. He tries not to notice Nico as much now, but that’s easier said than done when Nico’s still trying to get up in his space at every chance he gets and every time Nico turns that blinding smile on him, Nolan’s knees go weak. He didn’t think that could actually happen.

(But Nolan’s still looking at the other guys, trying to figure out who it possibly is that Nico’s set his sights on, and tries his best not to hate everyone Nico seems to be especially close with. He really can’t figure it out though, not when Nico barely leaves Nolan’s side long enough for Nolan to be nosy.)

And they go to the Preds game, and Nolan takes a picture with Nico and immediately sets it as his phone wallpaper. _Everything is fine, everything’s normal_ , he thinks as he says on TSN that if he wasn’t playing for Canada, he’d play for Switzerland because of all the pictures Nico’s shown him. _Nothing’s changed_ , he thinks when Nico turns that megawatt grin on him and says “It’s easy, Canada,” when asked the same question. _We’re all good,_ he thinks when they finally settle down in their seats and Nico presses his leg against Nolan’s for the entirety of the first period.

Then Nico gets distracted talking to Casey during first intermission and Gabe Vilardi sits down next to Nolan instead, leering in Nico’s direction. “So what’s going on between you and your boy?”

“He’s not my boy,” Nolan says automatically. Then, “What?”

“He’s been all up on you,” Gabe says, leaning in close. “Giving me some ridiculous side-eye right now because I’m all up in your space, where he wants to be.”

“You’re so weird,” Nolan says, pushing him away.

Gabe grows serious then, glancing back at Nico for a second before adding, “Don’t push him away. You’d break his heart.”

“I wouldn’t,” Nolan says, and oh, he’s really in danger of spilling his heart to Gabe _fucking_ Vilardi right now. So he shuts his mouth instead of saying _He’s breaking my heart instead_.

Nico comes back just then, and he doesn’t even have to say anything before Gabe grins and gets up. “Good talk, man,” he says to Nolan as he wanders out of their box, fucking _shooting finger guns_ as he walks away, complete with an exaggerated wink, and Nolan kind of wants to die a little bit. But then Nico settles in close, and leans in to point something out on the ice, and he’s warm and _here_ and Nolan forgets all about Gabe.

He still doesn’t let himself lean too far into Nico’s warmth though. He needs to keep his distance so his heart doesn’t break. But it gets harder and harder every time Nico knocks shoulders with him or says something right into his ear. And Nico doesn’t let him out of his sight for the rest of the game, stays close enough to touch until they stumble into their hotel room on a wave of laughter, giddy and exhausted at the same time.

Nico claims the bathroom first since he showers at night, and Nolan can’t be bothered to protest, not when Nico’s grinning and his eyes are crinkling at the corners like it’s some huge joke. So he just smiles back at him and goes to change when the bathroom door closes, resolutely not thinking about what Nico might look like in the shower.

That doesn’t work out too well, however, when Nico steps out in just a towel and Nolan can make out every bead of water dripping from his hair and down his neck, pooling in his collarbone. _God_ , Nolan wants to lick that off Nico. He wants to put his mouth all over Nico’s skin, leave his own marks, and – fuck, fucking hell, he’s so far gone, this is the last thing he wanted.

So he asks, “You done?”, already grabbing his toothbrush even before Nico nods and gestures for Nolan to go ahead.

He shuts the bathroom door behind him before he sees Nico turn to his own suitcase, before he can see the broadness of Nico’s shoulders and the expanse of skin across his back. He doesn’t need that visual in his life. So he just brushes his teeth, trying to get his heartbeat under control.

“Can we talk?” Nico asks softly when Nolan comes out of the bathroom. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, eyes downcast and hair still wet, and Nolan’s heart shatters. The last thing he wants is to make Nico sad, or upset, or anything but stupidly happy.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Nolan asks. He doesn’t really know what to do with himself.

Nico takes a deep breath, says, “Come here,” and Nolan goes, almost slots himself in between Nico’s legs just because it feels right but stops himself just in time.

And Nico asks, “Have you been avoiding me?”

“No!” Nolan says adamantly. “Of course not,” and he gentles a bit but, still, the idea that Nico’s maybe noticed is a bit horrifying.

“Feels like it,” Nico mumbles, and – _oh_ , oh no, Nolan would give the world for Nico to never sound like that ever again.

He needs to explain, so he scrambles and his tongue is tripping over itself, but eventually he says, “It – I  - I’ve been, uh, working through some stuff.”

And Nico finally looks up at him, at least, but there’s hurt in his eyes as he asks, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, not at all, you’re perfect–” Nolan rushes to say, and – wait. Fuck. But he can’t stop himself, now that he’s said it, and he just _barrels on_. “I want you so much, and it scared me, but I knew I couldn’t have you so I was trying to stay away and not make things weird but–”

Nico raises an eyebrow. “Why didn’t you think you could have me? You know I do not have a soulmate, right?”

“Yeah, okay, but, that night, at the combine, you said you met someone! That made you rethink your whole – thing – about not caring about soulmates,” Nolan says, disbelieving.

“I did,” Nico says, and he’s smiling now.

Nolan feels like he’s missing something here, but he still can’t figure out what it is. “So why are you–”

“You’re the one,” Nico interrupts. “I want you.”

“It’s – I – but you don’t –” Nolan rarely finds himself lost for words, but it seems to happen distressingly often when Nico’s involved.

“I don’t have a soulmate, yes,” Nico repeats, and he’s grasping for Nolan’s hand for some reason. Nolan gives it up unthinkingly, dimly feeling the warmth of Nico’s fingers intertwining with his own. “It had never bothered me before.”

“Before?” Nolan asks. He feels so behind, having lost the thread of this conversation a long time ago.

“Before I met you.” Nico stands up, straight into Nolan’s space, and Nolan feels – caged, somehow, caught in Nico’s orbit.

And Nolan – Nolan can barely understand what Nico’s saying, heart pounding in his ears as Nico leans in, and all he can think of is how _delicious_ Nico looks like this. His self-restraint is fast breaking, and he can’t think of a single reason why – why _Nico_ wouldn’t be a good idea. Nico seems like the best idea Nolan’s ever had, hell, that the _universe_ has ever had.

Nico fucking _giggles_ , because apparently Nolan’s been saying all this out loud. But before Nolan can even manage to focus enough to fix Nico with an affronted expression, Nico says, “You’re so cute, what the fuck,” and leans in to kiss Nolan.

When their lips meet, Nolan’s frozen for a split second, but then Nico shifts slightly and – _oh_. It’s not perfect, by any means, but _god_ if this isn’t everything Nolan’s ever wanted, Nico responsive under his hands and sighing into his mouth. It’s everything Nolan’s never let himself even think about, and now it’s _here_ – Nico’s here – and it’s so good. Nico’s so good.

The last thing he wants is to pull away, but he needs to breathe eventually, so he disconnects their lips with a soft _pop_. Nico follows him anyways, whining when Nolan just rests his forehead against Nico’s and tries to catch his breath. Every ounce of his attention is focused on watching the emotion openly displayed on Nico’s face, cataloguing his darkened eyes and the shine of his puffy lower lip where Nolan bit it and – and he’s so _beautiful_ , god, and Nolan can’t believe he gets to have this, even for just this moment. But he doesn’t only want it for just this moment, he wants it for _forever_ , even if they weren’t made for each other like every other couple on this planet. He thinks – he knows – they can do this.

“You think so loud,” Nico comments, caressing Nolan’s cheek. “Want to tell me?”

And Nolan has no defence against the full onslaught of Nico’s affection. But he never tried to – Nico had already gotten behind all his walls the moment they met each other, and really, there’s nothing Nolan can hide from him anymore. But he can barely manage to put his own thoughts into words right now, so he just – smiles and leans into Nico’s touch, and hopes it’s enough.

Nico kisses him again.

* * *

Sometimes, when Nolan’s too lost in his own head, he likes to curl up under Nico’s arm and trace his tattoo. The lines curving into and whooshing around each other are so familiar to him now, almost as if it could have really been Nolan’s – their – soulmark.

But it’s not, and Nico chose to have it inked on his body, and he chooses again to add Nolan’s star sign to the design barely six months after they’ve started dating. It’s winter in Philadelphia, so Nolan doesn’t see it under the soft sweater that Nico looks immeasurably good in when he shows up at Nolan’s door, but he certainly notices the next morning when he wakes up naked next to Nico, sharing the same breath.

He watches the light fan of Nico’s eyelashes rise and fall with his breathing for a few minutes before the dark lines crossing the inside of Nico’s bicep catch his eye. There’s a new one there, and it takes a moment for his still sleep-blurry eyes to focus, but – it’s a Virgo sign. Nolan’s a Virgo.

The universe might not have decided for them that they would find each other, but Nico has enough faith in them that he went out and put a piece of Nolan on his body anyways, and Nolan – Nolan loves him so much.

Nico blinks awake then, and he’s so beautiful and looking at Nolan like he hung the moon and – Nolan can’t stop himself. “I love you,” he says, cupping Nico’s jaw.

When Nico smiles, it chases all of Nolan’s other thoughts out of his head just like it always does. “I love you too, babe.”

And maybe they weren’t made for each other, but it’s hard to believe that they still aren’t meant for each other when Nico’s tongue in Nolan’s mouth and Nico’s warm skin pressed tight against Nolan’s feels like heaven.

**Author's Note:**

> when sammie was reading this she commented "nolan, u fool, u buffoon" like twice and then dmed me that too so. bless'm, he's useless and we all love him (but nico loves him the most)
> 
> find me on [tumblr](http://olllmaatta.tumblr.com) for more screams

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [(it ain't) written on our skin (the counselor remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14237316) by [othersideofthis (hikaru)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikaru/pseuds/othersideofthis)




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